


Irreplaceable

by kikyu



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romantic Fluff, caring otabek
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 10:55:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12652194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kikyu/pseuds/kikyu
Summary: At the banquet night in Barcelona, Yuri got an emergency call from Russia..





	1. Rushing Back

"Yura," a voice made him jumped from his seat.  
"What,," he was about to yell until he recognize the face of his first friend.  
"Here," Otabek handed him a bottle of water.

They were on a plane to Russia from Barcelona, Yuri was lost in his thoughts while looking out the window when Otabek called him, noticing that Yuri's lips were dry. 

"Uh.. Thanks," Yuri mumbled before gulping the water, just noticed himself that he was thirsty.  
"Beka.." Yuri was about to say something but he stopped. Otabek was silence waiting for him to continue while gazing at his hazy emerald eyes.  
"Beka.. No.. Nothing," he averted his gaze back to the window, hoping he could throw his negative thoughts to the warm blue sky.

Yuri was a stoic person despite of his small figure, he was fierce and bold. It was very rare for him to hesitate moreover backing out from his own words. Otabek knew this, he also knew very well what caused this change of his special person.

At the banquet night in Barcelona, Yuri got an emergency call from Russia, informing that his granpa was just arrived at hospital unconscious. Yuri was panicked looking for the fastest flight possible, it was Otabek who got two tickets for the next morning. It was mentally and physically exhausting since they barely sleep.

"Yura, rest a bit," this time Otabek handed him an eye cover. Yuri was just staring at it then at Otabek. Is it normal for him to be this caring? Once again, his words just made Yuri aware of his own sleepiness. He didn't take the eye cover but Otabek's hand instead, put it down and then resting his head on Otabek's shoulder. He then fast asleep. The bigger boy was a bit surprised by his friend's action but also fell asleep on him at the end. They ended up entwined their fingers, lulled by each other's scent and warmth.

***


	2. Empty

Looking out the window, again, he grasped the red scarf around his neck, sniffing all the smell it trapped between the threads. The white snowflakes were falling so beautifully outside, like they're dancing for him. 

It felt like everything is going slower than usual, or rather his senses became more aware of his surroundings. The dim streetlamp's glint on the icy pavement, the soft cracking sound from the fireplace, and the smell of his grandpa's house he never noticed before, they all seems to flood his senses.

He thought he would be drowning in sadness by now, more crying and screaming. Well yes he cried yesterday, but today he just felt numb. It almost like his emotional container is empty, he doesn't feel anything.

When he arrived at the hospital, his grandpa was already covered up to his face, he didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. There's a saying, kids are so busy growing up, they forgot that their parents are also getting old. No, that's not the point, he was aware of it, but he brushed it off cause it got him so scared. Yet no matter how you throw the idea away, people die, everyone will, that's why the time you have with them are precious. Still, why did it happen when he wasn't by his side?

It was a heart attack, he was found in front of the house by a neighbor, he might be just about to go out to buy something. It was lucky that he wasn't inside the house. By the time Yuri came back there, the sight of the kitchen brought him into a crying mess. There were a bunch of ingredients on the table, still packed from the store. Yuri know it well, they're all for his favorite dishes, it was supposed to be his gold medal celebration.

"There will be no more grandpa's pirozhki," he whispered into the scarf. A drop of tear fell on his left cheek.

"Yura" a voice called his mind back to the present.

"So?" Otabek was out to call his home, Yuri was expecting he will go home tomorrow. He felt bad but also grateful, Otabek was the one who stick with him from the start.

"They'll send some of my stuffs, what's your full address?" Otabek's words seems too fast for Yuri to process.

"Huh? You're not going home?" He really didn't expect him to do this. He cursed himself for being happy but he didn't want to burden Otabek.

"You don't want to be with me?" his flat tone sent shiver all along Yuri's back.

"No! … I mean! … ugh. You don't need to force yourself, I'll be fine, I don't wanna trouble you. Don't you wanna go home?"

"No. I want to be with you, but if you want me to go then I'll go."

"NO!"

"You want me to go or not?" Yuri was gaping at him. The thought of Otabek's back facing him, walking out his door was draining his energy to argue. He just hates to show his weakness, yet he felt too weak to put up a strong act.

"Stay with me, Beka."

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title so lame ^^; There's not much caring Otabek here, but I'm trying not to rush, or should I T.T
> 
> *why am I seeing 2 notes here, the other one (below) was supposed to be for chapter 1, is this normal?


	3. The Fear

I was sleeping when I heard cries, which were drifting my consciousness to wake. But I still didn't feel like waking up, I was so tired.

It's a woman's voice, have I heard it somewhere? I was between asleep and awake until a name from her cries caught me up.

"Otabek"

My mind suddenly awoken but my body was numb. The crying voice getting louder and louder, she was literally screaming her lungs out. I didn't know why I was pretending to be asleep when I heard a creak from my hotel door. A mumbling voice told me that it was Yuuri Katsudon, I could comprehend that he was walking back and forth between the door and my bed.

"Yurio, oh how should I wake you up, Otabek had an accident.. Oh Yurio, it must be really hard for you.. How should I…"

A memory of Beka's broad back covered by his black leather jacket, my hands over his torso, and the wind blow which wasn't able to make me cold, flashed through my mind.

I don't wanna wake up.

I don't

wanna

wake up.

Katsudon was keep mumbling when tears spilling out of my eyes.

"Yurio.. You awake?" Noticing my sniffle, he realized that I was aware of the situation. And then a warmth suddenly squeezing my curled up body.

"Yurio, it must be really hard for you.. Uh.." he was crying with me.  
No, I didn't feel it was hard, more like, I didn't feel anything. Tears just keep flowing out from my eyes and it was really hard to breathe, but my mind was blank. It was like my brain stopped functioning, and my body went on emotional auto drive. It felt like I was drowning in a void.

***

Yuri's eyes flew open, tears on his cheeks, his nose stuck, his whole body drenched in sweat. It took some times for him to notice his surrounding, he was in his bedroom, with his grandpa's scarf still on his neck.

"Beka?" he was reaching for a certain man next to him but found nothing. He glanced to the alarm clock, 6.23. Feeling his face all sticky, he dragged his feet to the bathroom. The cold water was slapping his face, brought him back to reality. His mind was still pretty awful from the nightmare and of course the day before.

A sweet smell came from the kitchen and Yuri's stomach started to grumble.

"Beka? What the hell are you doing?" The said man was standing in front of the stove with Yuri's tiger apron.

"Oh, sorry I used your kitchen without permission, I was thinking about making you breakfast so I thought you like pancakes?" as Yuri came closer to the kitchen set he could see two plates of pancakes with honey and berries, the perfection of sour and sweet flavor makes Yuri's about to drool.

"Of course! Thanks Beka! And don't worry, if it's you then you can do anything you want here," Yuri's smile on his morning face was enough to make Otabek lose his focus of situation. His arm moved by itself, caressing Yuri's cheek. The other man froze as he suddenly felt fingertips on his cheek, it took him a moment to realize what was happening.

"Ah! Sorry, I was just... I mean, you finally smile, it's feels so long since.. I mean, I'm happy, so.." it surprised Yuri to see Otabek's cheeks turn red.

"Why are you stuttering like that? it's so not like you," Yuri let out a chuckle, he felt like just being with him was a medicine for his own sadness and grief.

"Let's eat," the bigger man chose to brush off the commotion.

It's always so calming with Otabek, maybe because he is a naturally calm person, in opposite of Yuri who is like a bursting volcano all the time. At first he didn't pay much attention to the Kazakhstan hero, but after the man itself approached him, Yuri was instantly attached to him. It didn't even took a long time for him to admire Otabek, he doesn't talk much but he always do his best, he doesn't have the flexible body like other skater but he used it to his advantages. But of course Yuri never told the man itself about that, he doesn't know why, even if it's so comfortable with him, but there's something scary about him, or rather something uncomfortable about him, but Yuri can't tell what it is.

The soft pancakes still hanging in front of Yuri's mouth, waiting to be eaten, yet Yuri was unconsciously setting his focus on the cook in front of him. The images of his dream suddenly came out from the dark.

"Yura? What happen? You didn't like it? Is it that bad?" Otabek was panicked when he looked up and the first thing he saw was tears on Yuri's cheek, again. The little tiger was surprised himself and trying to calm himself down, but the cry came out louder and his chest was tightening, making him hard to breathe.

Realizing it wasn't about pancakes, Otabek came over to him and squeeze his tiny form.

"Beka.. hic.. uh.. hic.. " Yuri circled his arms around Otabek's neck, pulling him down, forcing the bigger boy to kneel down, and Otabek's stomach hit the armchair pretty hard.

"Oh, sorry.. hic.." he let go of Otabek and trying hard to stop his crying. It was a huge trauma for his heart, even if it's just a dream, it happened after his grandpa just passed away and his heart was still grieving. The dream has shown him the biggest fear he never even dare to think about, and bring it to the almost real simulation. Just the day before he said to himself that everyone will die, and try to submit himself to the fact and stop himself from drowning in sadness. Yet still, if it was going to happen to the man in front of him that soon, he wasn't sure if he could manage not to lose himself.

Yuri yelped as Otabek lifted him up from the chair and carry him to a soft gray couch in the living room. He left for a second and came back with pancakes in both hands and put the on the side table. The black haired man then sat down and set Yuri on his lap, hands trapping his waist and head resting on his shoulder. Yuri can't believe that he was the same man who was blushing not so long ago.

Again. The uncomfortable feeling. Yuri was never had a friend (or at least someone who asked him like that, his skating mates doesn't count of course) so he was pretty clueless of what is it of being friend, or best friend. But he always keep it cool and get along with everything Otabek did to him, he knows that Otabek won't do anything he doesn't like let alone harming him. Yet the uncomfortable feeling in him only grew stronger, it makes him want to run away and hide, but it also makes him want Otabek to touch him more.

'What? Touch? What the hell am I thinking?' Yuri growled to himself.

"Yura" the chest which was pressed to his back vibrating as the owner whispering his name. He could feel his heartbeat racing and was scared if the other man could hear it. Yuri shifted his body and glanced at him, and the look on his face made Yuri's chest squeeze. Worry was painted all over his feature, his grasp on Yuri's waist, the stare of his eyes, in a second all of Yuri's thoughts was blown away and he stood up, then he climbed back to the couch, to the other's lap, this time facing him.

"Yura" for the second time those muscular arms wrapped around him, and the name his parents gave him vibrated right into his ear.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh sorry it took me so long, I was wrecking my mind to write fluff but it's full of angsty feeling T.T but don't worry I'll wreck it again CX


	4. Paranoia

"Bekaa uh.."  
Yuri didn't know how things ended up like this. He is still on Otabek's lap but things got different from just 5 minutes ago. Otabek's mouth was still on his ears, but now they're kissing and licking. The slurping sound was making Yuri's mind go numb.

"Bekaaa, ah.. stop.. Beka.. ah.." Otabek's hand was sneaking up his chest under the shirt, finding the pink nubs almost immediately. His mouth started to bite and suck the flesh of Yuri's ears and neck, and his hands started to rub his nipples softly.

Feeling something build up in his stomach Yuri pushed him hard. He wasn't stupid, he is aroused.

"What are you doing??" He yelled at him with hitched breath and red face.

"You don't like it?" The look on Otabek's face made him cool down a bit, it was sadness.

"..." Yuri jumped off from his lap and ran to his room, not forgetting to lock the door.

'What the hell, what the hell just happen, what the hell was he thinking, I'm a man, does male friends do that? No, friends don't get aroused over each other.'

Yuri was burrying his face into the pillow, his face still hot and his blood were about to boil.  
'Am I gay?' The thought made Yuri froze, not that he was against homosexuality but he never see himself as one. But then again it was Otabek who did this to him.

'Is Otabek gay?' This time the thought got him excited. He could feel his heart pounding hard. 'What the hell, self?'

Once again he faceplant to the pillow, blood rushing to his head.

"Yura" a voice from the other side of the door made him jump, he unconsciously held his breath.

"I'm sorry Yura, it was selfish of me, I was making advantage of your state. I'll be going, eat the pancakes." He then heard the footsteps going away, and the sound of front door opening and closing.

'Ugh how should I face him'

Now that Yuri is aware of what is happening he find himself being flustered over the other's voice alone.

"I like Otabek" he said it to the air.

"Oh shiiiit" the pillow was about getting stamped with Yuri's face.

'Wait did he say he was going out?' Yuri look out the window and it was snowing. He reached out for his phone and hesitating for a moment, then he sent Otabek a short text.

[Beka go home.]

'Hufttt' he felt like he was just finished the most tiring Lilia's routine and he could heard the growl of his stomach.

'Right sour sweet pancakes'

***

The sound of the tv was filling up the room when Yuri woke up on the couch.

"The fuck did I slept" he was watching tv because he got nothing to do while waiting for Otabek, the time is 12.43 on the tv screen.

"Beka?"

No response.

"Beka?" He called louder yet still nothing. He isn't back yet?

Yuri dragged his feet to his room to snatch the phone.

Just some notification from social media, nothing from Otabek. He then opened the chat and it wasn't read yet.

"The fuck" he looked out the window once again and it was still snowing, if not harder. He franctically call the other's phone.

-beep beep ....

No answer.

"Whaat the fuckkk"

[Beka get back right now]

He sent a text while cursing to the empty room.

He then called him again and again until he heard something from the kitchen.

He rushed there only to found Otabek's phone on the kitchen's table.

"Seriously???"

The thought of his dream was flooding his mind, left him with the paranoia.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long I was in a depressive period lately, I still write the pain ugh this is what came out from my mind please bear with me :*

**Author's Note:**

> What a short chapter meh, I wrote it in a daze T.T Please look forward for next chapter very soon!


End file.
